Ok girls its time to talk politics. Don’t worry…I know what your thinking… and I agree. As someone who did an entire degree in this if anyone understands why the prospect of discussing politics sends shivers up one’s spine it should be me. There’s probably nothing less sexy than when you tell someone you have a degree in political science. All students of politics will be able to relate to that dreaded moment of when someone asks what you studied at university. You usually receive one of two reactions:
1. A jaded look suddenly appears across their face and their promise of text asking you out for a drink suspiciously is never delivered.
2. They attempt to engage you in a political discussion (this one is probably the worst). Obviously you begin to panic and then proceed to make some kind of awkward, politically incorrect joke. Because, lets be honest, despite your ‘well deserved’ 2:1 you don’t really have any political opinions and your knowledge on current affairs pretty much extends to Kim Kardashian’s controversial naked photo shoot (to be discussed later).
Admittedly, I never took my political endeavours too seriously. Most of my time at university was spent hung over and I officially mastered the art of being able to bullshit my way through any academic situation (except Mandarin of course…that stuff you just can’t fake). However, I have come to appreciate the important role that politics has to play in the life of a JWIT. In case you haven’t noticed JWITs are masters of diplomacy and negotiation…Whether its’ deciding with your girlfriends whether to go to sushi restaurant A or sushi restaurant B… or tactfully telling one of your friends that the guy she’s been messaging probably isn’t interested…there is no doubt that when it comes to politics we are the real experts. JWIT’s have always understood the power of conviction. This is something that is in our blood and has been handed down from generation to generation. For example when the Jews left Egypt what did we say? ‘YES WE CAN.’ And when ours mothers say there is no way you’ll be able to walk in those shoes…what do we say? ‘YES WE CAN.’ So step aside Obama because JWIT’s have been saying ‘yes we can’ since 1446…Seriously, you would think Obama could at least be original.
Many people think that to JWITs the word ‘party’ only means one thing: champagne. But this is where you’re wrong. Being a JWIT is much like being a member of a political party. The best form of comparison is that we’re like a much more attractive version of the Green Party, except for the fact that we don’t care about climate change. Unless, of course, by climate change you mean a holiday to LA (doesn’t that count as a climate change?)
So When JWITs run the world, not only will denim on denim be illegal, but it will, overall, be a much better place. Just imagine a utopia where spinning classes are free and nose jobs are included on the NHS. I would also impose a strict ban on J-swipe (As I think most of you would agree that all J-swipe has to offer is false hope and A LOT of losers). Secondly, I propose an amendment to the penal code to make not texting back punishable under the law.
OK so I know this is starting to sound a little bit like a dictatorship, but I like to think of it more as a regime of ‘sovereign girl power.’ Don’t get me wrong JWITs are all for democracy. In fact, there have even been times when we’ve been accused of being too liberal. Surely in a liberal democratic society rule number one should always be ‘if you got flaunt it’….which is why we fully support Kim’s right to be naked. Secondly, JWIT’s are all for equality. (However, It could be argued that we have already achieved equality: All JWITs are equally fabulous and all JHs are equally shmucks).
Furthermore, A wise man once told me that ‘with great power comes great responsibility.’ Well with great respect to Voltaire I would like to disagree. Maybe there’s more to being powerful than just being responsible. After all, they don’t call it a political party for nothing! I mean, put it this way…people don’t start wars at parties…right? Especially in VIP.