Hello my fabulous JWITs,
There are certain things that as a born and bred JWIT from North West London that I have come to take for granted… My Jewdar, for example, being high up on this list. If you are unaware of what a ‘Jewdar’ is its probably because you are either:
a) Always surrounded by Jews, and probably should consider expanding your circle…
b) Have never been out to a Mayfair club on the hunt for a JH (in which a Jewdar is essential…trust me!)
Regardless of your pathetic excuses for being unashamedly unaware of your G-d given talent its time for me to enlighten you. A Jewdar is the inbuilt and highly acute ability of a JWIT to be able to determine whether a complete stranger is Jewish or not. This is a skill that has been perfected and passed down generation to generation…it is not only how we have managed to maintain our exclusivity as a race, but it has also allowed us to find potential JH material even in places where all hope was nearly lost (yes David Beckham’s grandfather was Jewish #totallycounts). Have you ever sat in a restaurant and after about thirty seconds of eaves dropping on the table next to yours complaining to the waiter you, your mum and grandmother simultaneously turn to one another and declare ‘definitely Jewish?’ if you have, then this is a simple, yet classic example of the Jewdar in action. On the other hand, if you have yet to tap into this skill and have always wondered why you ended up with the Greek boys instead of the Jewish ones (easy mistake, we’ve all been there) then girl its probably time you get that thing fixed before your broken Jewdar lets another JH bites the dust…
Although, as a student at the University of Bristol I have to admit that my own Jewdar has become slightly rusty due to lack of use. Because lets be honest, despite my wishful thinking you don’ t have to be the Chief Rabbi, let alone have a Jewdar at all, to realise that the blond, devilishly good looking rugby boy from a village in Wales is neither Jewish, nor interested in converting…therefore, as a result my Jewdar has been ashamedly out of practice and as a result it is far from the standard of precision and technique that will be required if I ever intend to use it effectively in a Mayfair club ever again.
However, all JWITs are guilty of perhaps using the Jewdar too much…to the extent that it becomes a subconscious reflex; and before you know it not only are all your friends Jewish but you have also kissed the whole of North London. Suddenly, going man scouting on a sunny day in Primrose Hill has not only become slightly awkward, but also, admittedly boring. Basically what I am trying to say is that although I am wholly appreciative of my ability to detect a fellow JWIT amongst a crowd of complete strangers I also have come to realise that sometimes the unknown can be more fun….
Recently I have discovered that the Jewdar has a new untouched power that I have come to value perhaps more highly than its’ ability to tell me whether his curly brown hair is proof of Judaism or Greek Orthodoxy (or perhaps both, in that case…L’-chaim!) The Jewdar, if used correctly, can detect the JWIT wannabes. Yes, they do exist. The JWIT wannabes are girls that are not technically Jewish but wish that they were. I mean who wouldn’t want to be a JWIT? After all we are the domestic goddesses with the sharpest wit and best tans due to our time spent on the beach in Tel Aviv opposed to the grassy shores of Henley Regatta (To be fair, however, I was pleasantly surprised at how satisfying it can be to lay on the grass and drink champagne whilst watching a few Exeter boys painfully squirm at the mercy of their cox- p.s. this is not a typo with a pun intended, it is rowing slang for the person that sits on the front of the boat and is in charge of the other rowers).
If you have not encountered a JWIT wannabe then it may be time to turn your Jewdar down a notch, because from my experience they can be a blessing in disguise. Who else is going to show you how to pull off a hat at the races or explain to you what pheasant tastes like? Ok so these may not be the most practical life lessons…but its a known fact that hats are fab and the Kate look is totally in right now.
As I have said before we have come to take many things for granted. There is certainly a time and a place where your Jewdar is an essential accessory, but sometimes I have to admit that it takes breaking an outsider’s challah virginity to remind us of how lucky we are to be born and bred JWITs.
And after all everyone loves a Jewish girl…so if you can’t spot them… convert them.