Hello my fabulous JWITs,
I have confession to make. By now I feel like we have known each other long enough so I’m just going to come right out and say it…I downloaded J-swipe. I wish I could say that this was for research purposes only, however, that would be a lie. This act was precipitated by the following various factors:
1. Peer pressure.
2. FOMO (Fear of missing out) What if all my friends meet loads of super hot potential JHs and I miss out just because I’m a stubborn bitch? #Nothappening.
3. Curiosity. Recently, as I have sat next to my friends and watch as they’re fingers manically jet across their phone screens from right to left (left mostly)…It wasn’t long until I wanted to know what all the fuss was about…so I decided that it was time that I got in on the action.
4. Also let’s be honest, valentines day is only around the corner…and those champagne truffles in Selfridges food hall aren’t going to buy themselves…
So one thing led to another and before I knew it I was captivated by the endless pictures of Jewish boys (aged 22-27) flashing across my phone screen. This was amazing! I didn’t have to put on make up, trek to Bushey, or even have to pretend to be interested in what ‘property management’ means in order to find my perfect match. I could even do it whilst watching the Kardashians #bonus. I was hooked.
Two things then occurred to me. First of all, why didn’t I think of this first? A Jewish dating app…It’s so obvious! One word: genius. It cuts straight to the point of what all of us really want to know. Do you keep Kosher (or in other words will it be awkward/will you judge me when I order the Lobster risotto on our first date)? And more importantly that you’re single and looking (these things are actually more difficult to discern than you would think) In other words, on J-swipe there are no mixed signals. You either like ‘Jacob, 24, reform and 6 miles away’ or you don’t. And if Jacob likes you back…then mazel tov…match made in J-swipe heaven. I’m beginning to think that maybe I let my ego and stubbornness get in the way and perhaps I was too quick to turn up my nose to the potential that J-swipe has to offer. After all, what could be so bad about an app which sole purpose is to find me some matzah balls for my chicken soup so to speak…
So naturally my next thought was does it actually work and if so, what is the proper J-swipe etiquette? Tactful J-swiping is still a skill I have yet to master. I don’t like to think of myself as shallow person but in this case I have decided it is necessary to be strict with your ‘right swipe’ criteria. First of all choice of profile picture is essential. Under no circumstances must the profile picture be a selfie. Also a good selection of pictures should be taken into consideration…there is nothing that screams desperation more than a picture at the gym…although I have to admit that I do have a soft spot for the travelling snaps. As for descriptions I decided it was better to give you a few examples of what not to do:
Also can we just take a minute to discuss these ‘willing to convert’ weirdos…I mean are these idiots for real? Yes I have downloaded a Jewish dating app and sacrificed up my self -dignity just so that I can find a nice non-Jewish boyfriend. OBVIOUSLY NOT.
Another downside of J-swipe that has come to my attention is that it lacks the freedom from inhibition and the promise of anonymity that is offered by Tinder. On J-swipe, presumably, everyone who is using it is Jewish. Therefore, it’s likely that some of the people who pop up you’ll probably already know #awkward. For me anyway this is when the ‘J-swipe shame’ kicked in. As my finger started to ache after countless swipes to the left I started to once again question whether J-swipe really lives up to it’s promise of some good old kosher loving. Swiping is just the easy part…we all know that the real challenge will come when introducing them to your mother.
So for now I’m sad to say that my J-swipe days are over for good. Although my flirtation with J-swipe was fun while it lasted and who knows maybe my perfect JH was only one swipe away…However, I think for now I’m going to stick with the traditional methods. Because lets admit it there’s a difference between knowing how to play the J-swipe game and playing the real one…